How You Know it’s Going to be a Bad Day

You accidentally poke your toothbrush into your eye.

♣

You find the prize that was in your cereal box, partially chewed, partially unwrapped and in your stool.

♣

On your way to work, the radio station you always listen to changes format from rock and roll to an all haunted house sound effects station.

♣

You wake up wondering if your wife is still angry about the previous night but she seems calm and asleep; then, you notice that your shins were broken while you slept.

♣

You feed the dog, then it throws up on the kitchen floor; then, your toddler throws up on the dog. They both run away before your wife can break their shins.

♣

On your way to work, you pick up a ghost-hitchhiker and deliver her to the graveyard where she was buried forty years ago; then, you notice that she took all the change in your cup holder.

♣

An eagle flies over you and drops a dead raccoon through your sun roof.

♣

You get pulled over for Conspiracy to Exceed the Speed Limit, which is a RICO violation where you can be tried individually for everyone who was speeding while you were on the road.

♣

An eagle flies over you and drops a LIVE raccoon through your sun roof.

♣

On your way into the office, you find a discarded oil lamp of Western Asian design. You rub off the sand and a genie appears before you and offers to grant you one wish; but, instead of the money or power or a hot genius billionaire wife, you draw a blank, panic and ask for a urinary tract infection.