I KNOW You’ll Enjoy these Methods of Predicting the Future

Omens: We all know what an omen is: Something happens and that indicates how the rest of the day or month or year will go. Like when you pick a girl up for a date and, while opening the car door for her, you stick your thumb in her eye. In The Iliad, an eagle […]

ASSk the ASStrologer

[Jenny is an ASStrologer and serves New York’s five burros] Dear ASSk the ASStrologer, My boyfriend and I want to get married. Unfortunately, he’s playing hard to get, even going so far as hiring a fake “fiancée” to date him, sleep with him and make wedding plans for next June. It’s obvious he isn’t going […]

Which Chinese Element are You?

As in Western astrology, Chinese astrology associates groups of signs with classical elements. For those who study Chinese astrology and analyze the relationships between birth year and cycles of nature, I just want to say, with great admiration, “Why are you wasting your life?”. Depending upon what element you were born under, you might have […]