To My Critics

I get it. You hate me. And, unlike most people who hate me, you’ve never even met me. Everywhere I’ve ever worked, there has always been at least one person who has hated me utterly… to the point where other people come to me and ask why that person hates me… as if there’s a […]

My Relations

I had a great-uncle who played professional baseball in the thirties. He is best known for standing at the plate, pointing at the right field bleachers and saying, “I buried a body over there”, then hitting a ground ball and being thrown out at first base. My great-great grandfather invented the telephone but then waited […]

The Slow Boat of St. Francis Xavier

When Francis Xavier was born in the Kingdom of Navarre in 1506, the head nurse walked up and said, “Leave this one alone” because, she could tell right away that he was Basque to the bone. He was the youngest in a family that was never able to understand that the Spanish weren’t going to […]

Why You Should Stab Your Luggage

[Why yes, this idea came to me when I was half asleep. How did you know?] You should stab your luggage because… It’s the only way it will learn. The holes will allow baggage-handlers to see if there is anything that they want in your suitcase so they won’t have to break the […]

The Random Thoughts of Navarone

It’s a lucky thing the Wicked Witch of the West melted on contact with water… it could’ve been much worse for her. Of the four sent to kill her, one had an axe and another was a lion… I can only respect someone who has the courage to tell me exactly what I want to […]