American Goats!

Texas has more goats than any other state. Texas has more Texans than any other state. Guess which ones the rest of us are most worried about… You can rent goats in the United States to clear tall grass and shrubs during forest fire season. The fact that you can probably rent them for other […]

Ich Will

I want one of those calves that is born with two heads because I already bought the two little hats. I want to have a lesbian relationship. I know that I’m a guy, but I think it would help me to relate… plus, I get tired of always being the one to open the pickle […]

Ways to Eat Steak

Rare: Really, the only way to eat steak. I eat it so rare, the steak sometimes tries to talk me out of eating it. So rare that, if I offered a five second head start, it would take it. I mean so rare that it is still capable of reproducing. I could go on. Medium […]

Junk in the Trunk, a Rant

They said that she had “junk in the trunk”; but, I think that this was a way to avoid talking about her large ass. Not that it was noticeable—Most of your attention was focused upon her face, which was flat and hard, like a surfboard, but with hair and eyes. I wouldn’t say that she […]

My Fruitless Quest for a Nobel Prize

It has long been a dream of mine to win a Nobel Prize. Well, time’s a wastin’ and I STILL don’t even have one. But, it was the LAST STRAW when my best friend and poker-buddy, Denis Mukwege Mukengere, won the Peace Prize for some nonsense about the treatment of women in Congolese war zones. […]