Killing Time Between Birth and the Sweet Sweet Embrace of Death

Tape a situation comedy that you’ve never watched. Fast-forward through everything but the commercials. Write a review in IMDB… Arrange your socks alphabetically. Start an argument with a tortoise. Go through all of your old Conan the Barbarian paperbacks and, wherever the word “knife” is used, cross it out and substitute “cutlery”… Learn to […]

Think-things that Follow No Pattern

I wanted to recreate what it was like to be a fetus, so I kicked my mother in the stomach… My team lost the “Most Apathetic Team” trophy. The other team just wanted it less… How do you throw away an empty garbage can? I keep trying but when the garbage men see the […]

Ironies That Probably Aren’t Ironic

Rain, on your wedding day… unless the bride’s name is “Stormy”. If it is, you should really check into her past… Finding out, after working beside her for years, that your twin sister was born on the exact same day as you were and in the same hospital… Dreaming that the flight you will be […]

Stupid Stupid Worms!

After a rain, worms come out for a look then, we grab them and put them on a hook. . Sadly, it is their fate to be bait. . A smarter creature would stay in bed, why does the worm go out instead? . Because a worm will never lorm…

Shrink Wrapped!

I see an allure in what they call the “talking cure” . But, psychiatrists, try as they might cannot set things right. . Do I hate my mom or dad– is that why I’m so sad? . Perhaps we should discuss my ego, id or animus. . But, all the sessions that I’ve bought have […]