Thoughts as Random as Bikes Can be Tandem

Jim Morrison once said, “A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself”. Being friendless gives you that exact same freedom and you don’t have to remember birthdays… I get tired of my landlord walking around like he owns the place… I traveled far and wide to find something worth journeying around […]

Things that are Okay to Bury

Beatrix Kiddo. Something previously dead but now shambling about with a strange sense of purpose. A time capsule. For those who don’t know what that is, a time capsule is essentially a garbage can that doesn’t get emptied for a hundred years. It’s okay to bury your resentment generated by your family and friends just […]

2018 New Years Resolutions

I resolve to go to work each and every day with the knowledge that Friday is no more than five days away at any time. I promise to share my issues with loved ones so that they’ll always know how I am feeling and so they will leave me mostly alone… I promise to watch […]

What I Want 4 Christmas

A copy of The Walter White Cookbook. A round-trip ticket to the happiest place on Earth: The Xanax factory! A pinochle deck with the prime numbers removed. A statue of an angry Buddha, crumpling up a betting ticket and smacking a prostitute. A boxed set of every movie that Adam Sandler wasn’t in. A […]

For My Second Wedding I’ve Written My Own Angry Vows

[Note: Next week, to commemorate another hundred followers, will be Chapter Three of The Moosehead Strategem. Clear your calendars and hide your daughters] I promise to always be true to you as long as you don’t look as if you want to have an affair. I promise not to go to bed angry so we’ll […]