2018 New Years Resolutions

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I resolve to go to work each and every day with the knowledge that Friday is no more than five days away at any time.

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I promise to share my issues with loved ones so that they’ll always know how I am feeling and so they will leave me mostly alone…

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I promise to watch what I eat, so no more snacking in the pitch dark.

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I promise not to spend extended periods on video games.

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I resolve to increase my definition of “extended period” to three days.

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I resolve to exercise more such as typing this list myself rather than tell someone else to do it… which I really shouldn’t have done…

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I promise to give up whatever pill addiction I might or might not have just as soon as I find a reliable heroin dealer.

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I resolve to take Proust’s Remembrance of Things Past from that box in the attic and putting it in a box I have in the basement.

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I resolve to find love… and if it’s those same two dogs, turning a garden hose on it…

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I resolve to figure out what I do for a living.

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I promise to practice “walking meditation” which consists of keeping a still and peaceful mind while I’m violently assaulting a homeless person.

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I resolve to avoid non-sequiturs and to walk with marzipan.

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18 thoughts on “2018 New Years Resolutions

  1. I gave Proust a lot of tries. I figured that I was reading bad translations, so I went to different translations. Paperbacks, then hardcovers. Print, then Kindle. Then finally I realized, it’s not me, it’s you.

    I can breathe again.

    Liked by 1 person

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