There’s Always a Complaint

Dear Sir or Madame (or, if this is me reading this as I proof, screw you, Charlie!): I’ve long considered your company to be a paragon of quality and customer service, that, ten thousand years from now will be considered by anthropologists to be the the gold-standard for whatever it is you do. I no […]

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Things Better Done Drunk

Night Swimming: If the movie Jaws taught us anything it is that drinking and swimming don’t mix… with sharks, anyway. Without sharks, drunk swimming is GREAT. You can just drift off to sleep above or below the waves (your choice). Was it suicide or stupidity? No one knows!!! Golf: Golf goes with alcohol like softball […]

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Survival Tips

If all you have to drink is sea water, try to strain out the salt with your tongue and teeth. If you are lost, follow the North Star. If you follow it far enough you’ll be able to ask Santa Claus for directions. You can fashion a stone ax by chipping an edge into a […]

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Why I’m Glad

I’m glad that Cyndi Lauper is still out there protecting us from psoriasis. I’m glad that I can spend time with my sons despite their restraining orders. I’m glad I’ve got my health. I just wish it wasn’t poor health. I’m glad that Willy Nelson is still out there protecting us from Cyndi Lauper. I’m […]

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Why I’m Mad

I get mad when someone puts the milk back in the fridge with only a few drops in it. If it turns out it was me, I still get mad but I keep it to myself… I get mad because youth is wasted on the young; but, anyone can get old age if they are […]

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