Two Sets of Random Thoughts in One Week?

I hope that I’m never in a social situation where I have to use the term “vomit comet” more than twice… Anyone who tells you that they would never lie to get sex is deceiving you. I think you know why… Cauliflower is like foreplay: It’s boring and awful but you eat it because of […]

Fun Facts About a Border Wall

The border wall isn’t necessarily a concrete wall or a steel structure… it is a metaphor… a symbol. And, because it is a symbol, we can say for sure that Mexico will be paying all the imaginary money it will take to build that symbol… A border wall will funnel refugees through official check […]

Make No Mistake, there are Uses for a Snake

[Thanks again to Deb Whittam for the idea] A snake can be used to unstop a kitchen drain should it be clogged with mice or birds. You can use a snake as an alibi. Certainly, it won’t hold the weight of the testimony of a human being; but, no one is going to spend a […]

Donald Trump’s Advice on Weathering a Government Shutdown

If your money gets tight and you cannot afford food, maybe fire a member of your staff that you’ve been meaning to get rid of… that insolent chauffeur for example… Yes, your family lives paycheck to paycheck. When there is six months to a year between paychecks you’ll still be living from paycheck to paycheck, […]

Fun Facts about Cthulhu

At six hundred feet tall, Cthulhu is tall enough to ride any roller coaster in the world… even theoretical roller coasters that haven’t been invented yet. Cthulhu once fell in love with a human female. The result of their union can still be seen on Nickelodeon. According to creator H. P. Lovecraft, just […]

Mythical Creatures that are Stupid

[I got this idea from Deb Whittam, so any complaints should be directed at her] Sphinx: A sphinx is half eagle, half lion. Cats hate birds, so why make an animal that is half cat and half bird? You’d just create something so frustrated with itself that it sits on a rock and asks people […]

Thoughts as Random as Bikes Can be Tandem

Jim Morrison once said, “A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself”. Being friendless gives you that exact same freedom and you don’t have to remember birthdays… I get tired of my landlord walking around like he owns the place… I traveled far and wide to find something worth journeying around […]