Remembrance of Things Random

If I had to pick my one biggest mistake in my life, I’d have to pick the time that I opened an allergy clinic right next door to a Africanized bee, shrimp, peanut and ragweed emporium. Older women who are attracted to younger men are called “cougars”. Older men who are attracted to younger women […]

Fun Facts about Daylight Savings Time

Thanks to Daylight Savings Time, the United States has, in reserve, eleven years of daylight saved up. If the sun should go out, we, as a nation, are set! Benjamin Franklin first put forward the idea of Daylight Savings Time in a satirical essay; on the other hand, he flew kites in thunderstorms so no […]

Weak Threats

If you don’t tell me what I want to know, I’m going to have my friend, Boris here, punch me in the testicles. I’m going to get a lawyer and SUE YOU for .02 percent of everything you own! I’m warning you: Stay out of my way or I’m gonna have to veer to the […]

I Feel Motivated to Demotivate

Tomorrow is another day. On the other hand, yesterday was also another day and look how badly you screwed that up. Do your best at everything you try so that, when you fail, you have literally no options. All of your dreams can come true if your dreams consist of dying penniless in a gutter […]

Is Salma Hayek a Werebear?

[In my effort to bring you hard hitting articles on conspiracies that hide just beneath the surface of our lives, I bring you this one: Does Salma Hayek turn into a brown bear when the moon is full? Truth is stranger than fiction] Salma Hayek is five foot two; but, when she stands on her […]

How to Stop Procrastinating

Read the autobiographies of people who accomplish things. Do they procrastinate? No! They work, play golf, sail their yachts and, when the time came for them to write their autobiography, they proactively hired a ghost writer. So, read their lives and absorb their message whenever you get around to it. Make sure all of your […]

Words that I Hate Because They are Stupid

Faux: ‘X’ is easily the coolest letter in the English alphabet. It takes the place of three letters: “cks” and it looks like someone on train tracks trying to flag down a locomotive before it destroys his Pontiac; moreover, an ‘X’ is the legal signature of most Trump supporters. So, why nullify an exceptional […]