Holidays and Observances and How they are Celebrated

National Depression Screening Day (October 11th ): Usually observed by sitting in a dark room watching television with the sound off. World Circumcision Day (January 1st ): Celebrated with the eating of a hot dog with half a pancake wrapped around it. Feast of the Ascension (varies): Like any other day, except dinner is served […]

Fun Facts About the Penis

Freud was right about penis envy. Women did envy them in the nineteenth century because those who had them had most of the wealth, power and, of course, penises… Never elect a president with a small penis or you may end up spending a trillion dollars on a long and hard wall at your southern […]

Remembrance of Things Random

If I had to pick my one biggest mistake in my life, I’d have to pick the time that I opened an allergy clinic right next door to a Africanized bee, shrimp, peanut and ragweed emporium. Older women who are attracted to younger men are called “cougars”. Older men who are attracted to younger women […]

Fun Facts about Daylight Savings Time

Thanks to Daylight Savings Time, the United States has, in reserve, eleven years of daylight saved up. If the sun should go out, we, as a nation, are set! Benjamin Franklin first put forward the idea of Daylight Savings Time in a satirical essay; on the other hand, he flew kites in thunderstorms so no […]

Weak Threats

If you don’t tell me what I want to know, I’m going to have my friend, Boris here, punch me in the testicles. I’m going to get a lawyer and SUE YOU for .02 percent of everything you own! I’m warning you: Stay out of my way or I’m gonna have to veer to the […]

I Feel Motivated to Demotivate

Tomorrow is another day. On the other hand, yesterday was also another day and look how badly you screwed that up. Do your best at everything you try so that, when you fail, you have literally no options. All of your dreams can come true if your dreams consist of dying penniless in a gutter […]

Is Salma Hayek a Werebear?

[In my effort to bring you hard hitting articles on conspiracies that hide just beneath the surface of our lives, I bring you this one: Does Salma Hayek turn into a brown bear when the moon is full? Truth is stranger than fiction] Salma Hayek is five foot two; but, when she stands on her […]