Advice to My Next Wife

I don’t care what you say: If I tell you what I just mumbled, you WILL be mad… so don’t ask. ♀ If you scratch me behind the ears for fifteen minutes a day, I will never give you a lick of trouble. ♀ If I say, “I love this movie”, it isn’t code for, […]

More Dating Advice for Men and Women

Guys: A good rule of thumb is to spend one hour’s salary for every inch of cleavage your date’s outfit shows. If you live in Europe, that’s twenty-four minutes salary for each centimeter… * Women: If you plan on breaking up with a man but don’t think you can go through with it, give him […]

love and other bad ideas, final pt

The Autopsy I must say, she took the fact that she destroyed my life and my ability to trust anyone ever again pretty well… almost heroically. But, I mostly blame myself for trusting her. If jealousy is a green-eyed monster, complacency is a different monster probably with different colored eyes. Always assume the worst. That […]

In Praise of Older Women

Older women are no longer looking for “Mr. Right” or “Mr. Acceptable”. They are looking for “Mr. Anybody Because My Last Egg is about to Drop”. I am that anybody! As I get older and tire more easily, older women sleep less and have more energy; because, menopause is nature’s methamphetamine… Older women like to […]

In Praise of Younger Women

With younger women, there is far less likelihood of a conversation about her clogged bile duct. A younger woman can use your rambling, go-nowhere stories of your youth in her history class. Younger women make great “trophy wives”; but, never EVER have one engraved. A young girlfriend destroys the confidence of your ex-wife to the […]