Solutions to America’s Debt

A one dollar surtax on every time a Texan uses the phrase, “That’s what SHE said” unless they are using it to convey what a female human or parrot actually said. Sell our tanks and missiles to smaller countries who are already at war on the condition that we get to film it and turn […]

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Cliches Repurposed

I’d become that which I hated most: Liver and onions. And, to add insult to injury, he made fun of my broken arm… She was as cute as a button… a sexy button with a butt that wouldn’t quit. The kind of button you’d leave unbuttoned so everyone could see it on your lapel and […]

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Why I’m Dating my Wall

The bathroom ceiling rejected me. A wall may become cold and distant, but she’ll never leave me… unless there’s a tornado or something. My wall and I have an active fantasy life. Sometimes, I’ll put a pinup poster on her and pretend she’s load-bearing. Every wall has two sides: The good side… and the horrid […]

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