Something I’m working on Pt 2

March 20^th

I’m happy when someone I know serves me a dinner salad because they are one less Christmas gift I’ll need to buy.

Georgia Department of Corrections announced that three of its inmates have contracted Covid. Three more are suspected of having Covid. Corrections officials flatly stated that they will isolate any prisoner just after the period where they infect those around them. If you are a new inmate to that facility, remember that you’ll only get respect from the others if you beat up the deadliest disease in the compound. If that disease is syphilis, remember to wash your hands after.

I know some of you are thinking that dying of Covid would be giving some convicts what they deserve; but, if we all got what we deserved, cities would have more gallows than bus stops. To pay for the atrocities that I’ve committed, I’d have to be drawn, quartered and each quarter piece would be ticketed and spanked. And, I consider myself to be GOOD. Okay, once my ex-wife told me that I was too intense and needed to smile more; so, I pasted on a huge Joker-like grin and held it for thirty six hours until she begged me to stop. After I got a good frown going I turned to her and said, “Who’s intense NOW, bitch?”. That alone should be good for at least a caning…

Do I regret the bad things I’ve done? Even more than I regret legally changing my name to “Mr. Perfect” because it gave people unrealistic expectations. More than I regret ever saying, “Of course I’ll be in the delivery room when our son is born”. And, even MORE than I regret eating all that paste in kindergarten because now my gall bladder is permanently attached to my right kidney…

Due to shortages, some nurses are creating their own masks. Some of those masks are just plain medical masks; whereas, others are more complex. Some masks make the wearer look like a cowboy, some a cat… the most popular masks are those that look like Covid patients because sometimes the real patients wake up and see the mask and just assume they got out of bed without knowing it. You know, when this pandemic is over, I think people will have a whole new respect for nurses and science in general.

Today is World Sparrow Day, designated in 2008 to raise awareness of the least interesting family of birds. It’s the only bird whose description is, “I dunno, just a bird, I guess”…