Flowers That I Hate

Lily: Lilies are very unpleasant: They look as if someone were trying to construct a flower, tore up the top part and tried to cover up for it by gluing penises into the center. They are a second-rate flower as evidenced by the fact that, historically, they’ve mostly been given to the dead. Daisy: […]

Touching… What is Appropriate?

Elbow: The elbow is to the human body what Amarillo is to the United States: Something dry, hard and unpleasant looking, but no one is going to be too bothered if you linger there. It is a useful spot to touch on elderly relatives that you really don’t want to touch anywhere; in fact, when […]

Trees

Joyce Kilmer once said, “I think that I shall never see a poem lovely as a tree”. Later he confessed that he’d also never seen “a bush lovely as a limerick” nor had he seen his wife since she’d left the previous week to get a pack of cigarettes at the corner store. But, it […]

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