Thrill Rides I Hate

Eco-Swing: You sit in a plastic toddler seat while a machine spins you around until your last meal goes away. It is firmly fastened to the main mechanism by a slim rusty chain that is maintained by a carny who, if he was good at anything at all, wouldn’t be a carny… These tend to […]

I Go Dark, Cattle-Branding

First, pick a brand design that is easy to read, can be reproduced in an iron and is something a cow would be comfortable wearing. Next, check your brand design against the massive database of brand designs maintained by whoever’s job it is to do that. If you find someone using a brand exactly like […]

My Mystery, Cha Eleven

There was a long pause between Kossov’s knocking and the head butler answering the door. He didn’t seem surprised to see the Russian doctor. “Yes sir”, he said as he opened the door. “Is the head housekeeper in?”, Kossov asked. “I’m afraid she isn’t. You see, it’s nearly ten o’clock and from 9-12 she stands […]

I Saddle You with these Tips on Horseback Riding

Greet the Horse: Hold out a hand. Notice the horse touching its nose to your hand? It is learning your scent so that, if you do jump on its back and force it to carry you around, it can find you later and kick you to death. Ὠ Be Confident: Horses can sense fear. Exude […]

My Mystery, Cha Ten

Finger-less hands held a red pencil over the blueprint of Hamshock Manor. A harsh voice spoke into a digital recorder: The entry points will be here and here. Two teams will take out the guards and two more teams will take out the teams that take out the guards. Those teams will rendezvous here. Finger-less […]