What I Like About Myself

My superfluous and corrugated vocabulary. My ability to influence people with weak minds to do my bidding. But please, continue reading… My belly makes a great island for when I play boats in the bathtub. My naval is a volcanic lake, in case you were wondering. I always know the right thing to have theoretically […]

It’s Gross Animal Time Again!

The Ornate Facetiousness of the Hammerhead Flatworm

What Your Favorite Beverage Says about You

Yoohoo: You don’t like people who are artificial and fake; however, your drink is a weak approximation of chocolate milk that has to be served ice cold to convince your tongue and your gag reflex to accept it into your body. In this regard, you are not the type to commit a cold-blooded murder; but, […]

How to Write a Best-Selling Novel

They say that everyone has a novel in them. Some manage to get it out and some keep it in until Epicac is available. We revere the best-selling authors despite the fact that OUR stuff is WAY better than anything they churn out. So, why do their books sell a million copies and people like […]

Naked Sexual Positions of the Orient

Yes, this is an essay on false advertising… how did you know? Basically, all advertising is false advertising because it is, by its very definition, manipulation. If you’d wanted to buy the product already, there would be no need for advertising. Manufacturers found one of the great truths of nature: Instead of providing a better […]