What I Like About Myself

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My superfluous and corrugated vocabulary.

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My ability to influence people with weak minds to do my bidding.  But please, continue reading…

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My belly makes a great island for when I play boats in the bathtub.  My naval is a volcanic lake, in case you were wondering.

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I always know the right thing to have theoretically said.

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I don’t split infinitives… I crush them into a fine paste…

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Even when things get really bad, it does not change my determination because I’m usually not very determined from the start.

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I’m proud of my poetry in that it hasn’t directly killed anyone yet.

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I like that I was always able to predict when my pregnant wife was going to act crazy.  Hint:  It was all the time.

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I like that my work ethic doesn’t interfere with my sloth ethic or my thief ethic.

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I can determine if a woman is a natural blonde or a dyed blonde.  Sometimes just by looking; but, other times, through a surreptitiously taken DNA sample.

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My kind nature, which people have described as “corrugated” and “superfluous”.

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In jeans, my butt doesn’t look as much like a weather balloon stuffed into a backpack as it used to.

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I am very polite.  I open doors for ladies.  If they refuse to go through that door, then, she and I are gonna have a problem…

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I can write on any topic; moreover, I can ignore all the criticism from people who read that writing.

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I can name all of Elizabeth Taylor’s husbands but sadly, they’ve already got names.

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10 thoughts on “What I Like About Myself

    1. Sure… you don’t have to look at it. I keep my channel selector in my naval. If I look down when I holler, it echoes. If you put your ear on my belly, you can hear the ocean. It’s a deep naval…

      Channeling Rodney Dangerfield…

      Liked by 1 person

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