I Hate Mint!!!

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After eating a mint, you can’t drink water for half an hour because the taste is so strong… You can’t drink orange juice for a week.

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A mint-julip is pretty disgusting. I refuse to consume anything with torn damp vegetation at the bottom… same reason I don’t eat at the salad bar of my local pizza hut.

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Mint tea can actually soothe an ulcer, undoing the many years I’ve spent developing my ulcer.

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Thin Mints are a cookie sold by girl scouts, which, if put in the freezer, usually pound on the door and scream until I let them out.

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The “double-mint” in Doublemint Gum has nothing to do with the ingredients. It is actually a reference to the fact that chewing too much of it alters your DNA and causes you to give birth to creepy identical twins.

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Breath mints were created under the assumption that we preferred the smell of mint to our own human breaths, the smell of which has been unfavorably compared with a trash can at a fish market.

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Not many know this, but mint can be weaponized. Weaponized mint is usually just called Altoids.

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Mint Jelly is often used as a garnish for lamp chops. Why? To keep your breath minty fresh while you deal with the fact that you just ate the cutest animal at the petting zoo…

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The first Junior Mint you have, you probably mistook it for a delicious M&M and then found it soft and squishy and a little creepy like when you accidentally got a fried oyster in your shrimp and had to spit it into the napkin of the man in the table next to yours.

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Mint leaves can be smoked like tobacco or marijuana; however, any hallucinations you have while smoking mint leaves you were probably going to have anyway…

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16 thoughts on “I Hate Mint!!!

  1. While I’m not a rabid mint fan like some… please don’t pollute my perfectly good rum with it… I have to differ with you on the Girl Scouts thin mints. Little frozen discs of chocolate heaven right there. And if you don’t want to eat them ? They can be easily weaponized as well.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I used to love drinking mint tea, but then someone asked me why I enjoyed drinking things that tasted like toothpaste. I’ve never been able to get the thought out of my head (and no longer drink mint tea). I laughed at the girls scouts one the most, altoids got a big head nod.

    Liked by 2 people

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