The Venial Degradation of the Cocoa Krispies Mascots

In 1958, a team of crack food scientists, and probably a few posers, invented the miracle we know today as “Cocoa Krispies”. It remains the platonic ideal of cereals: It talks, doesn’t require added sugar, is made of rice and is low in fiber to facilitate gorging. And, best of all, it is infused with […]

Let Me Allay Your Fears…

You shouldn’t worry about dying young because, frankly, you AREN’T that young anymore. You are NOT being followed. They know your schedule so well, they are already waiting for you at your destination. You think that your frustrating day at work is a symptom of failing memory due to age; but, nothing could be further […]

Random Thoughts: The Home Game

A man cannot serve two masters; however, with a little instruction, he can serve a tennis ball. If you need a sure-fire way to alienate a room full of people, might I recommend heckling a eulogy? A wonderful name for a doctor who treats impotency would be “Grant Wood”. A little known fact about Formula […]

Things You Can Do After You Stop Trying to Impress People

You can order a drink that tastes good, like a girl-drink, instead of straight-shots of single malt stuff that tastes like something kept in an IV bag in a trauma ward. You can keep your car until it dies a natural death from old age. You can quit holding it in and let your belly […]

An Additional Rant

Recently, I was watching a program about illegal drug use in Portland, Oregon. You know, one of those shows where the narrator’s every utterance is the voice of doom. He said, “This is Portland” with the same grim morbidity one might use in describing a new strain of HIV that is transmitted by reading someone’s […]