Thoughts on Cooking

When a chef burns something the term for that is “caramelization”.

They say you can substitute a quarter cup of applesauce for an egg when cooking; but, I’ve found it makes a pretty uninspiring omelet.

Cut tough meat across the grain. You’ll know which way the grain goes because it will always be the direction you aren’t cutting across.

There are five flavors: Sweet, like sugar; bitter, like coffee; sour, like lemon or lime; salty, like salt; and umami, like lightly salted water at the bottom of a dumpster.

 If you want a little excitement at your next garden party, serve roasted Spanish peanuts that have been coated in sugar and jalapeno powder. If you want a LOT of excitement at your next garden party, call your cousin a “whore”…

I’ve found that the best wine to serve with an all vegetarian meal is steak.

Chutney is made from four types of flavor: Sweet, sour, bitter and salty. I usually make mine out of saltines, powdered espresso, canned frosting and sour patch kids. Try it with veal.

If you soak a chicken in buttermilk for an hour, that usually helps it to relax and fall asleep.

Meringue is perfect when you want to cover a pie with something that tastes like nothing and looks like cow slobber.

A REAL man doesn’t NEED liquid to deglaze a frying pan… but YOU wouldn’t know anything about THAT, would you?

If you flip a hamburger more than twice, it might become disoriented and confused.  I flipped one four times in 1988 and it voted for David Duke, thinking he was “that girl in the cut-offs from The Dukes of Hazzard“…