Thoughts on Cooking

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When a chef burns something the term for that is “caramelization”.

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They say you can substitute a quarter cup of applesauce for an egg when cooking; but, I’ve found it makes a pretty uninspiring omelet.

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Cut tough meat across the grain. You’ll know which way the grain goes because it will always be the direction you aren’t cutting across.

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There are five flavors: Sweet, like sugar; bitter, like coffee; sour, like lemon or lime; salty, like salt; and umami, like lightly salted water at the bottom of a dumpster.

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 If you want a little excitement at your next garden party, serve roasted Spanish peanuts that have been coated in sugar and jalapeno powder. If you want a LOT of excitement at your next garden party, call your cousin a “whore”…

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I’ve found that the best wine to serve with an all vegetarian meal is steak.

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Chutney is made from four types of flavor: Sweet, sour, bitter and salty. I usually make mine out of saltines, powdered espresso, canned frosting and sour patch kids. Try it with veal.

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If you soak a chicken in buttermilk for an hour, that usually helps it to relax and fall asleep.

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Meringue is perfect when you want to cover a pie with something that tastes like nothing and looks like cow slobber.

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A REAL man doesn’t NEED liquid to deglaze a frying pan… but YOU wouldn’t know anything about THAT, would you?

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If you flip a hamburger more than twice, it might become disoriented and confused.  I flipped one four times in 1988 and it voted for David Duke, thinking he was “that girl in the cut-offs from The Dukes of Hazzard“…

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6 thoughts on “Thoughts on Cooking

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