Stuff that I Hate More than the Other Stuff I Hate

Old women who use the term “Land sakes!” Children’s candy that is shaped like drugs. Dog names with more than two syllables. Syrup bottles shaped like heavyset women. Seems like a mixed message. When someone replaces my drugs with children’s candy. Sublime tribute bands who block my car in with their stupid van. Actually, I […]

June 26, This Day in HISTORY!!!

On June 26th 1948, Shirley Jackson published her short story, The Lottery, in the New Yorker magazine. What are the odds of that?! Much of the public furrowed their Neanderthal brows, shambled to their typewriters and wrote angry letters… mostly about not knowing what the HELL the story was about. It is an indictment […]

The Grapes of Wrandom Thoughts

Turns out the Poison Help Line doesn’t provide suggestions as to what kind of poison to use… just what to do if you eat some. Seems unnecessarily specific… I used to aspire to be a quadriplegic, then I realized that the word I was really looking for was “billionaire”. If the Star Wars universe was […]

Writing Tips!

Write every day. If a million monkeys with a million typewriters can eventually produce Hamlet, you should be able to write something that isn’t total crap because–are you dumber than a monkey? Write what you want to write about instead of what the market demands. This way, you can keep your integrity, which can be […]

Advice My Grandpappy Gave Me Part 2

Women are not all vengeful harpies out to drain your life-essence and leave you a broken defeated shell… not all of them… theoretically… Never spend more than you can afford. “What you can afford” is equal to your take home salary plus whatever credit is left on your cards plus the card limits of credit […]