The Grapes of Wrandom Thoughts

Turns out the Poison Help Line doesn’t provide suggestions as to what kind of poison to use… just what to do if you eat some. Seems unnecessarily specific…

I used to aspire to be a quadriplegic, then I realized that the word I was really looking for was “billionaire”.

If the Star Wars universe was real, what would the people in it think of the Star Wars movie? Would it be exciting and heroic or would it seem to be about a bunch of terrorists who blow up a government military base and kill a LOT of brave men and women.

I sense that, if I squeezed Natalie Merchant pretty hard, she’d make a noise like the air-brakes on a municipal bus. I’m pretty intuitive about things like that.

You are only limited by your imagination. That particular constraint keeps most people out of trouble.

A still life painter takes the least interesting stuff, the stuff that doesn’t do anything exciting, and creates something that looks a lot like that stuff only it does even less.

Nothing says “I love you” like not hitting me so much…

I think the biggest flaw in the Dewey Decimal system is that it doesn’t allow for irrational numbers.

It always amazes me how long movie characters can go without having to find a bathroom.

I had a dream that Donald Trump refinanced the national debt with the Russian mob and, when we couldn’t make the payments, they broke the legs of every American citizen. So, no football players could stand for the national anthem. This is an example of an unintended consequence…

I think all the plot-lines in Hamlet could have been resolved a lot faster if the characters had access to video technology and flame throwers…