Women are not all vengeful harpies out to drain your life-essence and leave you a broken defeated shell… not all of them… theoretically…
Never spend more than you can afford. “What you can afford” is equal to your take home salary plus whatever credit is left on your cards plus the card limits of credit cards you are pretty sure that you qualify for. If you have any aluminum cans in your basement,include those.
Good hygiene is important for success. Keep your clothes neat and your person clean and maybe, one day, a millionaire might adopt you.
Respect the privacy of others. Even the privacy of the very famous. On the other hand, if you come across Bon Jovi, you should try to snatch a clump of hair for your old dad.
Never do anything to excess. Apply this concept to EVERY aspect of EVERY second of your life.
Treat everyone as you would treat yourself… except for whatever it is you do in that bathroom all the time. No one wants to be involved in something like that…
If you ever need some alone-time, just tell people that your favorite book is Atlas Shrugged.
A car is not a toy! You’d never get a girl to sleep with you because you owned a cool Etch-a-sketch.
Blood is thicker than water. So, if you get rid of a body in the garbage disposal, run the hot water for a while to get the blood out of the trap.
If you give the world the gift of laughter, people will always see you as pretty cheap.
If someone starts talking to you but doesn’t make any sense, before you assume he’s having a stroke, make sure he isn’t Scottish.