Advice Column Advice

To my readers and to those who just come here to see if I mentioned them at all: I’m planning on writing another advice column featuring the biologically-enhanced super-intelligent dog, and I thought some of you might want to offer questions for her. If so, put them into the comments below… Ask a Bio-engineered Super-intelligent […]

Breeds of Dog I Hate!

Pug: At one point in dog history, someone said, “I’m tired of dogs that look and act like dogs. Let’s create a breed that looks and acts like a surprised indignant old woman. Oh, and wasn’t it a shame about King Charles…” Here’s a tip: If it cannot jump off the couch without breaking a […]

Ask a Super-Intelligent Bio-Engineered Dog Part 2

Q. My boyfriend and I have been living in a pretty harmonious relationship until recently. Lately, he seems upset, volatile, angry for no good reason and frankly, it is driving me and my new pet alligator up the wall. A. It seems that your boyfriend has all of the symptoms of sudden-onset Post Traumatic […]

Mama, Will We Ever Make it Home? Tips for the D.C. Metro System

Always let at least half of the people who need to de-train out of the train before pushing your way in like some brain-dead, type-a salmon. If there is a problem the will delay your commute for an hour or so, the Metro makes announcements which are garbled incomprehensible walls of sound over their PA […]

Writing Tips!

Write every day. If a million monkeys with a million typewriters can eventually produce Hamlet, you should be able to write something that isn’t total crap because–are you dumber than a monkey? Write what you want to write about instead of what the market demands. This way, you can keep your integrity, which can be […]