Pug: At one point in dog history, someone said, “I’m tired of dogs that look and act like dogs. Let’s create a breed that looks and acts like a surprised indignant old woman. Oh, and wasn’t it a shame about King Charles…” Here’s a tip: If it cannot jump off the couch without breaking a […]Read More Breeds of Dog I Hate!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been living in a pretty harmonious relationship until recently. Lately, he seems upset, volatile, angry for no good reason and frankly, it is driving me and my new pet alligator up the wall. A. It seems that your boyfriend has all of the symptoms of sudden-onset Post Traumatic […]Read More Ask a Super-Intelligent Bio-Engineered Dog Part 2
Always let at least half of the people who need to de-train out of the train before pushing your way in like some brain-dead, type-a salmon. If there is a problem the will delay your commute for an hour or so, the Metro makes announcements which are garbled incomprehensible walls of sound over their PA […]Read More Mama, Will We Ever Make it Home? Tips for the D.C. Metro System
Write every day. If a million monkeys with a million typewriters can eventually produce Hamlet, you should be able to write something that isn’t total crap because–are you dumber than a monkey? Write what you want to write about instead of what the market demands. This way, you can keep your integrity, which can be […]Read More Writing Tips!
Women are not all vengeful harpies out to drain your life-essence and leave you a broken defeated shell… not all of them… theoretically… Never spend more than you can afford. “What you can afford” is equal to your take home salary plus whatever credit is left on your cards plus the card limits of credit […]Read More Advice My Grandpappy Gave Me Part 2
[After seeing the popularity of Dear Prudence, Dear Abby, Dear Meg and Ask Amy, I had to ask myself, “Is writing a fake advice column for me?”. Not having anything else written for today, the answer came back, “Yeah, why not?”] Dear Super-intelligent Bio-engineered Dog, I’m currently in a long-distance relationship and I’m worried that […]Read More Ask a Super-intelligent Bio-engineered Dog
Assure yourself that you CAN quit, as you have done it so many times before. Quitting smoking can be stressful. There are many ways to alleviate this stress, but the most effective method is to start smoking again. Sometimes, quitting smoking is just a matter of changing habits. Do you smoke on your way […]Read More Tips to Quit Smoking