Breeds of Dog I Hate!

Image result for dogs

Image result for pugPug: At one point in dog history, someone said, “I’m tired of dogs that look and act like dogs. Let’s create a breed that looks and acts like a surprised indignant old woman. Oh, and wasn’t it a shame about King Charles…” Here’s a tip: If it cannot jump off the couch without breaking a hip, it shouldn’t qualify as a dog.

Related imageChow: If I wanted a stubborn, independent and randomly dangerous dog, I would’ve purchased a mountain lion. Chows don’t care about you or anything that isn’t you. Chows are the Vulcans of the dog world, only showing emotion and love every seven years in a killing spree that leaves no one particularly satisfied.

Image result for greyhoundGreyhound: They are fast, I’ll grant you. And, dog races can be exciting until you come to the realization that you just bet your daughter’s college fund on something with a brain the size of a ferret’s.

Related imageDachshund: A Dachshund is a bad tempered stupid dog that doesn’t realize it is outclassed by the boxer next door until it hears its own spine snap. Like a tiger, it has no fear; unlike a tiger, it really really should. Plus, it takes about fifteen tries to spell the name properly.

Related imageRottweiler: I always felt that, in a one-on-one fight, I could take a Doberman; however, Rottweilers make Doberman’s look like a toy breed; moreover, while a Doberman uses its wits, a Rottweiler relies on a mix of bad judgment and blind rage. Rottweilers were bred, not so much for protection, but to be our malevolent overlords when the animals rise up. Fortunately, fewer people are buying them as pets so they are taking other work, mostly as bears in state parks.

Related imageDalmatian: What can you say about Dalmatians? They have spots. If that’s all you’re looking for in a mammal and you don’t mind deafness, kidney stones and bite-marks on your children, the Dalmatian is the dog for you.

Image result for bloodhoundBloodhound: On the surface, a fine dog and well bred. Also, there was one on The Beverly Hillbillies, so you know they photograph well. Using their amazing sense of smell, they seek out and find escapees. And, that is why I find it difficult not to hate what is, essentially, a furry narc.

Related imageChihuahua: WHO BUYS THESE THINGS? WHAT POSSIBLE FUNCTION DID THEY EVER SERVE? All these dogs know how to do is yap, back away from what they are yapping at and stand in front of a camera for a Taco Bell commercial. BTW, if a dog with a brain the size of a watch battery likes Taco Bell, that doesn’t exactly cinch it for most of us.

Image result for siberian huskySiberian Husky: We put a lot of good honest effort into breeding the wolf out of our dogs. Why the HELL would anyone want one with most of the wolf left in? Seriously, if you are in a house that needs sled dogs to get around, one of you is bound to eat the rest of the inhabitants sooner or later. Move to Ames, Iowa or Abeline, Texas so you can get a real dog that doesn’t decide to tear out your throat on a whim…

Image result for australian shepherdAustralian Shepard: These things are creepy slavering monsters with eyes of different colors and nearly infinite energy. Kind of like Marilyn Manson during a meth bender. If you raise them in a suburban environment, they usually manage to easily find a way to kill themselves. “Is that antifreeze? May I taste it? No?… How ’bout now? No?… Now? No?”

23 thoughts on “Breeds of Dog I Hate!

      1. A Golden Doodle (part golden retriever; part poodle). Super smart and super affectionate. Ridiculous name, I’m afraid. And not much of a guard dog. The best we could hope for in an attack is that he would distract the attacker by licking him to death while we make our escape 😊 I lived afraid of dogs most of my life; not sure I could ever fully trust a pit bull, although I, too, have heard that they can be very sweet.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Haha…”Also, there was one on The Beverly Hillbillies, so you know they photograph well.” Cracked me up. And the Australian Shepard. Funny stuff! I grew up with Dachshund’s – they really will challenge anything of any size – and you’re right – they really really shouldn’t.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My brother owned two Australian Shepherds and both died from drinking anti-freeze. The first before my brother knew it was poisonous and the second just won a race between my brother and himself to an antifreeze puddle.

      He now has a bulldog that he can easily outrun, if it ever decides to leave the couch…

      Liked by 3 people

  2. There was lots to like in this post. Our son had an Australian Shepherd. The stupid thing would tear around in circles whenever it saw a leash, and would lie on my feet constantly when I was trying to do housework, or cook. We once had a terrier chihuahua cross, and he really did have a brain the size of a watch battery. He once tried to take on a Samoyed Husky. The only way he could have beat him would have been to get stuck in his throat.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Enjoyed this one 🙂

    If we were to go back far enough in dog history, many breeds are essentially mongrels or mutts, despite fancy shapes, sizes, prices and show wins.

    To date there are two dogs I can’t quite fathom,
    The first is the chihuahua, more specifically, the tea cup chihuahua. Other than its appeal as a Christmas tree ornament, I’m unable to process the logic of having something that I’m to put in a tea cup if it isn’t actually tea.

    The second is the Komondor, but only the coat issue.
    Underneath the coat is a reliable, typically guarding breed.
    What am I supposed to do with the coat? Clean floors? Store valuable items?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I had to look up Komondor. That dog looks more like a DOD issue mop than any other dog I’ve seen. They remind me of the lead singer to Counting Crows in that you really don’t expect someone that white to have dred locks…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah… Sometimes, I just cut and paste a difficult word from the person who posted ahead of me because I naturally assume that they cut-and-pasted it from someone who knew how to spell it…

        Like

  4. I like German Shepherds are very athletic dogs and their intelligence makes them unique. You can train them to do anything and their ability to stop at command makes them one of the easiest breeds to train. Their wolf like muzzle helps to track offenders in the police force or sniff out drugs or any contraband products. Even as a pet you can train them to be the perfect guard dog.

    Liked by 1 person

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