Ask a Genetically-Modified, Bio-Engineered, Super-Intelligent Dog: The Director’s Cut

Dear Traumatically Modified Super Dog, I was in my yard and overheard my neighbor referring to me as “white trash”. He didn’t see me there because I was behind the old refrigerator lying in the tall grass of my front yard. I thought he and I were getting along… in fact, I thought he liked […]

Why You Should Terrorize Moles

[Thanks to Rivergirl for the idea] A non-terrorized mole is a happy mole and a happy mole is a contented mole. Terrorize the moles in your yard or their contented sighs will keep you awake at all hours of the night. ☺ Terrorizing a helpless small blind animal might just win you a Nobel Prize […]

I Hate Stationary Bikes

[Idea came from a conversation with Rivergirl] When you pop a wheelie, it never ends well. ֍ Sometimes, I throw mine downstairs and yell, “Who’s stationary NOW?” ֍ In my rear-view mirror, objects are closer than they appear… which is probably why I get the feeling that the wall behind my bike is creeping up […]

Ask a Genetically-Modified Bio-Engineered Super-Intelligent Dog: Low Fat Version

Dear Genetically-Modified Bio-Engineered Super-Intelligent Dog, My boyfriend likes to sing along with the radio when we are in the car together; but, he only likes to sing along with the all-news channels. The other day, he was singing the NASDAQ to the tune of “Body and Soul”… I know I’m being overly sensitive, but now, […]

Still More Things You Don’t Know About Me

I have this fantasy about a physical relationship with Shakira where I tell her that I’m too old for her and she shouldn’t waste her life on me. At first, she argues the point, but weeks later, she’s leaves me in the middle of the night without a word. This is what depression and overthinking […]