Ask a Super-Intelligent Bio-Engineered Dog Part 2

 

Q.  My boyfriend and I have been living in a pretty harmonious relationship until recently. Lately, he seems upset, volatile, angry for no good reason and frankly, it is driving me and my new pet alligator up the wall.

A.  It seems that your boyfriend has all of the symptoms of sudden-onset Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. One effective treatment for this is a therapeutic pet. You mentioned that you’ve recently acquired one. Get the two of them together.

 

Q.  I am a little embarrassed to be asking this; in fact, I’m not sure I should be asking this at all. What should I do?

A.  Based on the amount of information you’ve given me, I’d say that you shouldn’t be embarrassed at all. These things, whatever they are, happen; moreover, they are no fault of your own, unless they are, in which case you should probably see some kind of professional who is good at this kind of thing.

I hope this answers what might be your question.

 

Q.  My husband just told me that he wants an “open marriage”. I understand his need for variety and change; and, with my job I have very little time to spend on him. Plus, I make a lot more money than he does and that’s got to hurt his ego. But, the thought of him in a physical relationship with someone else bothers me. What should I do? And, on an unrelated note, what poisons are untraceable?

A.  1) You and your spouse need counseling right away. And open marriage is a two-way street that both members need to agree to. I hope that the two of you will work things out and have a long and happy marriage. 2) Potassium chloride.

 

Confidential to Rotten in Bhutan

The longest anyone has ever done that without breathing is twenty minutes. Instead, I’d recommend you send flowers or a nice gift of chocolates.

 

[If you liked this, try The Sincere Self-annihilation of the Lemming]