Writing Tips!

Write every day. If a million monkeys with a million typewriters can eventually produce Hamlet, you should be able to write something that isn’t total crap because–are you dumber than a monkey?

Write what you want to write about instead of what the market demands. This way, you can keep your integrity, which can be roasted and eaten when you can no longer afford food.

As an exercise, pick a word and think about what it really means to you. Well, if you ever want to see that word alive again, I suggest that you bring fifty thousand dollars in small bills to the bus depot at eleven o’clock…

Don’t be a perfectionist. If it isn’t perfect, is it at least good enough for Reader’s Digest?

Read. Try to read things that are on the level that you write… Many of those books can float in the bathtub and have delightful illustrations.

If you have writer’s block, just write ANYTHING no matter how banal or pointless… a good example would be a list of writing tips…

As an exercise, describe your current state of mind in single words. Group those words together into something like a sentence and organize those sentences into paragraphs. Amass the paragraphs into chapters and those chapters into books. Form those books into a library of crap that no one will ever read or even care about. Do you want to lie down? You look tired…

To become a writer, you need discipline: If you fail to write when you are scheduled to write, try to look upset about it. Some writers punish themselves for not writing by eating chocolate bars and going out for a back-rub.

As an exercise, pick a theme, two human characters and an animal character; or, a theme, one human character and three animal characters; or, four humans, no animals and forget about the theme. Now double it. Your number is seven.

If you are out of ideas, go for a walk, talk to people… read something. Sure, you’re not writing but, after a couple of Hershey bars and a deep tissue massage, you’ll be scared straight.

If you write for the public, you will get hateful comments. Don’t take the comments seriously. Just try to kill them with your thoughts…

Proofred everything you write…

Network within the writing community. Ask them to read your works and give you their honest opinion. Be sure and pretend to read their works as well and tell them they’re “fine”…