Remembrance of Things Random

If I had to pick my one biggest mistake in my life, I’d have to pick the time that I opened an allergy clinic right next door to a Africanized bee, shrimp, peanut and ragweed emporium. Older women who are attracted to younger men are called “cougars”. Older men who are attracted to younger women […]

Weak Threats

If you don’t tell me what I want to know, I’m going to have my friend, Boris here, punch me in the testicles. I’m going to get a lawyer and SUE YOU for .02 percent of everything you own! I’m warning you: Stay out of my way or I’m gonna have to veer to the […]

I Feel Motivated to Demotivate

Tomorrow is another day. On the other hand, yesterday was also another day and look how badly you screwed that up. Do your best at everything you try so that, when you fail, you have literally no options. All of your dreams can come true if your dreams consist of dying penniless in a gutter […]

How to Stop Procrastinating

Read the autobiographies of people who accomplish things. Do they procrastinate? No! They work, play golf, sail their yachts and, when the time came for them to write their autobiography, they proactively hired a ghost writer. So, read their lives and absorb their message whenever you get around to it. Make sure all of your […]

Stuff I don’t Care About Anymore

Catlyn Jenner: Man, woman, spirit of the undead… I don’t care what you call her. Her life is a train-wreck and train wrecks are only interesting if they don’t happen on a daily basis. A Comet Hitting the Earth: Blah blah blah… all life as we know it gone. I don’t have time to […]

When is Black-face Okay?

[Recently, photographs have come to light with the governor of Virginia in black face in his college year book from the eighties. A lot of people are angry about this so… When is black-face okay?] When you go to a costume party in the eighties dressed as your favorite rapper and you also want […]

How Men Cope with Baldness

Crew Cut: It’s hard to see the baldness when the rest of the hair is a scant 0.18 inches in length. Very effective but, if you are heavy, you’ll look like Private Pyle from Full Metal Jacket. If you are in good physical shape, you’ll look like someone who just started a soccer riot. Shaved […]