10-40-400-40-10: Bottles of Screams

I think as I lie on my lawn at night. About the stars and are there people on the planets that circle them and are they lying on their lawns wondering about me and my lawn; and, I wonder if any of those creatures is lying face-down as I am. Then, it occurs to me […]

New Year’s Resolutions

Exercise more – It’s little things that provide us with more muscle tone and aerobic exercise; for example, buy heavier snacks, listen to music with faster tempos… or, an easy one, try TYPING MORE IN UPPER CASE. ▼ Lose weight – We all gain weight over the holidays and folks like me don’t even wait […]

I Saddle You with these Tips on Horseback Riding

Greet the Horse: Hold out a hand. Notice the horse touching its nose to your hand? It is learning your scent so that, if you do jump on its back and force it to carry you around, it can find you later and kick you to death. Ὠ Be Confident: Horses can sense fear. Exude […]

Avoiding the Stress of Christmas

Put your tree up early to a avoid last minute rush; in fact, I just keep mine up from the previous year. If you cook up a nice goose and a Christmas pudding to simulate a Victorian Christmas, be prepared for people to complain about the goose and later to complain about the pudding. They […]

Lesser-Known Ways of Telling the Future

Hold a pendulum over the abdomen of your significant other. If the ball moves in a circle, she’s going to have a girl. If it moves in a straight-line, it will probably be a boy. If the pendulum gets slapped violently out of your hand, she’s not pregnant and you are on thin ice, pal… […]