Revenge of the Mistaken Dragon

The Early Martial Arts Training of Mas Oyama | The Martial Way

We had a sweet life when we first moved to Virginia; but, one day my parents didn’t come home. Vowing revenge on whoever did it, I left for Japan that very evening and, when I got there, I found the greatest martial arts teacher there. It took six months to persuade him to take me in as a student; once in, I studied for fifteen years until I was unbeatable. Then, I came back for revenge. Oddly enough, my parents had arrived home just a few minutes after I’d left for Japan, so, when I got back to sadly survey my parents’ abandoned home to further stoke my rage, I found them home and watching television. “Why did you leave?”, my father demanded, “Where have you been?”

It’s not important”, I replied.

Um… Okay”, he said, then he paused trying to think of something to say. Finally, he said, “So, what’s new with you?”

Nothing much”, I answered, “Oh! But, I know karate, now”

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Dear Sir or Madam,

I saw your ad looking for an experienced Perl programmer with extensive training in Linux. I have neither; but, what I DO have is an set of skills that makes me a nightmare for people like you… especially if your nightmares involve thirty-somethings with no computer skills. Most of my training is in martial arts based revenge. All I require is a target and someone I can get emotionally close to for six months before that target kills the person. My training is pretty classical so when I get revenge, I tend to do it in a multi-story building with a martial arts expert on each floor who specializes in some seldom-used weaponry. For no extra charge, I’ll take out the henchmen and flunkies who will try, in vain, to stop me. Please give me the target’s name in advance so I can come up with sufficient word play when he gets sucked into a conveniently placed jet engine.

I can also work as a contractor for smaller jobs. Someone steal your yogurt from the fridge? I can break his arm for a price that you’ll find very reasonable. Did an old woman take your parking spot at the mall? For twenty-five dollars, I’ll punch her in the stomach. I’m thinking of having gift cards made up…

If you decide to hire me, just let me know in the usual way: A dying messenger who barely makes it to my door and only manages to get a single word out before he expires. I’ll try to answer my door promptly.

Sincerely,

Masercot, Master of Shito-ryu

16 thoughts on “Revenge of the Mistaken Dragon

    1. I think the best approach would be to destroy his field mouse henchmen with nunchuckas and then to slay the squirrel with his own nuclear warhead…

      As the explosion occurs behind me, I don’t look back… I just say, “Who’s nuts, now?”

      Liked by 1 person

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