“I hired you to count my canned goods but I find you stealing soup”
“That’s absurd! I’m just taking stock”
♫
“I need you to arrange these numbers by size”
“I’ll do nothing of the sort!”
♫
“You missed the mandatory meeting. Arthur threw up. It was hilarious!”
“I don’t see anything hilarious about that”
“Well, you had to be there”
♫
“I can’t have you on my front porch singing nonsense jazz lyrics. So, scat!”
♫
“If you don’t pay me more, I’ll stand here and do nothing all day”
“I don’t respond to idle threats”
♫
“As you can see, I’ve iced down the transfusion, essentially freezing him to death from the inside”
“You can’t do that. It’s cold-blooded murder!”
♫
“Look! A bunch of twenty-five cent coins on this desk”
“You can’t be in here. These are officers’ quarters!”
♫
“If nothing is done, we’ll have no rights left”
“That’s ridiculous! How can a right be left?”
♫
“When they told me that I had to do the play all over again from the beginning, I didn’t know how to react”
♫
“This liquor is way too strong to be served here”
“Really? Do you have proof?”
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
This is way more than a koala can bear
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I had to think about that for a second before I lol’d…
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It’s an oldie but a goodie. Did you ever read Piers Anthony’s Xante series. Talk about puns 😂
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Of COURSE I’ve read the Xanth series… Every book was one very long shaggy dog story…
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feeling a bit like a girl on the photo… probably in need of that STRONG liquor 😂😂
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I have a pun for “liquor” but it is kind of dirty… so… right up your alley!
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haha… I’m usually dead asleep after 1 glass 😂
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Being a Native American, I’m allergic to alcohol…
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Scat. An under rated cause of migraine headaches.
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Hey! I re-bop-zu-biddly-bop-sent that…
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Excuse me, I need an Advil….
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It’s going to be so nice out this week I figured I would start working on my gardens. Then I realized I can’t plant any flowers because I haven’t botany.
I love a bad pun! 🙂
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I should’ve held this open to my readers. I’m seeing some good ones in the comments…
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“Did you know Ghandi’s feet were like leather from walking everywhere, and fasting made him frail and gave him bad breath?”
“So… he was a super-calloused, fragile mystic, plagued with halitosis?”
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Some puns are “tortured”… while others are “beaten severely and left for dead”…
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