I’m Sorry, But…

I’m sorry I terrified a bunch of children by acting like I was violently insane; I truly thought I heard hiccups. ♦ I’m sorry I watched Friday the Thirteenth with your kids but I felt that it was well past time that they learned about eye-gouging. ♦ I’m sorry I made you jealous by paying […]

Answers to My Children’s Dumb Questions

“Daddy, where do babies come from?” – “Mostly China and India… but, I hear Indonesia is catching up” “What does my penis do?” – “Your penis functions as a de facto brain from your thirteenth birthday until you are forty” “Daddy, why is the sky blue?” – “Really? You see blue? I see it as […]

Parenting Tips, Part Two: The Ballad of Father Daddy

When setting limits on your child, you and your spouse should show a united front. Don’t contradict one another in front of the child. Display a harmony that is surreal. Talk in unison like those creepy twin girls from The Shining. Just have fun with it… unless your spouse isn’t… It’s important to read to […]

Child Discipline Tips

When you say, “no”, stick with it or your children will not respect you. On the other hand, if they don’t respect you, you can’t be their role model and it follows that you cannot be blamed for how they turn out. Never yell at your children in public; however, it IS okay to yell […]