“Daddy, where do babies come from?” – “Mostly China and India… but, I hear Indonesia is catching up”
“What does my penis do?” – “Your penis functions as a de facto brain from your thirteenth birthday until you are forty”
“Daddy, why is the sky blue?” – “Really? You see blue? I see it as orange and so does your mother”
“What does de facto mean?” – “It’s Latin for ‘of the facto’”
“Hey Dad. What do I do if one of my friends offers me marijuana?” – “Take it and bring it home to me. Pick up a lighter on your way home and maybe some screens”
“If I run real fast when I turn off the light, can I get under the covers before it gets dark?” – “If you move faster than the speed of light, you’ll reach infinite mass and create a black hole, destroying our home, our town and our planet. Why do you hate us?”
“Can Winnie the Pooh come to my birthday?” – “I invited him but that’s the day his friends scheduled an intervention for his eating disorder”
“When we go fishing, can I catch a whale?” – “Are you SURE your friends haven’t already offered you pot?”
“Can I have a pony, daddy?” – “We gave you a pony when you were two. You didn’t feed it and it died. NO MORE PONIES”
“Daddy, how do you play chess?” – “Poorly”
“Dad! Can you check under my bed for monsters?” – “I already did: There are five of them under there. Here’s an aluminum bat and good luck, son”
“When I grow up, can I be a football player?” – “Sure you can… provided the monsters under your bed don’t eat you”
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
If you wrote a book on parenting, I would buy that book…
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I fear that such a book would be exhibit A in my children’s lawsuit…
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Poor Winnie … and Eeyore has depression and Piglet has sn inferiority complex anb Chis Robin is just a stereotype. Why was this do successful again???? 😊
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Heffalumps and woozles, Deb. It’s all about the Heffalumps and Woozles…
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I must be honest here Charles, that last comment was my entire knowledge of Winnie. I was more of a Dracula kid
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Let’s just say that the Winnie the Pooh stories were pretty enchanting…
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Poor Winnie. Honey addiction has a horrible withdrawal… or so I’ve heard.
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He’s pre-diabetic already…
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I’d buy your book on parenting as well. Why did I never think to blame the child for their dead pony? That is a good one that I will surely use in the future for some other request.
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Sparingly… or you end up the subject of a tell-all book!
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If you don’t have kids, then you don’t have any stupid questions from them to answer 😁
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But, if you have kids, you get to essentially be God to someone for seven years. After that, the fall is pretty abrupt…
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There must be a lot of storks in China and India (and now Indonesia).
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Nine months after a blackout, the storks are so numerous that they block out the Sun.
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😂😂 Very Witty and entertaining replies! Had a good time reading this. Cheers! ✌️
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Thank you!
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I used to be a smart ass when answering my kids’ questions too, so these all resonate with me!
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I’m an engineer. So, when my kids asked me questions, I gave the much more answer than they wanted, usually. One time, my oldest asked me something and I thought for awhile and then replied, “I don’t know”
He got really quiet. I suddenly realized, “I’ve never not known an answer before, have I?”
He looked as if his world had been rocked, “No”…
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Oh, I did that a lot too—overanswer. I remember my preteen son asked me what blue balls were during a car ride once, and I explained it so thoroughly that he cut me off about 5 minutes in with “Got it.” 🤣
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That’s when you turn the radio on and drive in silence for a while…
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