Answers to My Children’s Dumb Questions

Day 3 Boredom Busters

Daddy, where do babies come from?” – “Mostly China and India… but, I hear Indonesia is catching up”

Question mark - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

What does my penis do?” – “Your penis functions as a de facto brain from your thirteenth birthday until you are forty”

Question mark - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Daddy, why is the sky blue?” – “Really? You see blue? I see it as orange and so does your mother”

Question mark - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

What does de facto mean?” – “It’s Latin for ‘of the facto’”

Question mark - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Hey Dad. What do I do if one of my friends offers me marijuana?” – “Take it and bring it home to me. Pick up a lighter on your way home and maybe some screens”

Question mark - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

If I run real fast when I turn off the light, can I get under the covers before it gets dark?” – “If you move faster than the speed of light, you’ll reach infinite mass and create a black hole, destroying our home, our town and our planet. Why do you hate us?”

Question mark - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Can Winnie the Pooh come to my birthday?” – “I invited him but that’s the day his friends scheduled an intervention for his eating disorder”

Question mark - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

When we go fishing, can I catch a whale?” – “Are you SURE your friends haven’t already offered you pot?”

Question mark - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Can I have a pony, daddy?” – “We gave you a pony when you were two. You didn’t feed it and it died. NO MORE PONIES”

Question mark - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Daddy, how do you play chess?” – “Poorly”

Question mark - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Dad! Can you check under my bed for monsters?” – “I already did: There are five of them under there. Here’s an aluminum bat and good luck, son”

Question mark - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

When I grow up, can I be a football player?” – “Sure you can… provided the monsters under your bed don’t eat you”

Question mark - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

 

20 thoughts on “Answers to My Children’s Dumb Questions

  1. I’d buy your book on parenting as well. Why did I never think to blame the child for their dead pony? That is a good one that I will surely use in the future for some other request.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m an engineer. So, when my kids asked me questions, I gave the much more answer than they wanted, usually. One time, my oldest asked me something and I thought for awhile and then replied, “I don’t know”

      He got really quiet. I suddenly realized, “I’ve never not known an answer before, have I?”

      He looked as if his world had been rocked, “No”…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh, I did that a lot too—overanswer. I remember my preteen son asked me what blue balls were during a car ride once, and I explained it so thoroughly that he cut me off about 5 minutes in with “Got it.” 🤣

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s