Thoughts on Christmas

[It’s been great writing for you folks, this year. I want to wish all of you Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. I might post some next week but, in case I don’t, Happy New Year as well] A great gift for a boy is a baseball glove; but, if you give one as a gift, […]

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Ich Will: Christmas Edition

What I Want for Christmas You’ve heard of that box with the button on it that, when you press it, someone you don’t know dies and you get a million dollars?  Well, I want that; then, I’d go out and meet EVERYONE IN THE WORLD EXCEPT TUCKER CARLSON… and then press the button. I want […]

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What I Want 4 Christmas

  A copy of The Walter White Cookbook. A round-trip ticket to the happiest place on Earth: The Xanax factory! A pinochle deck with the prime numbers removed. A statue of an angry Buddha, crumpling up a betting ticket and smacking a prostitute. A boxed set of every movie that Adam Sandler wasn’t in. A […]

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Christmas Gifts No One Wants

  A shock collar for a boa constrictor. A bottle of glue with a “My Little Pony” on the label. Hepatitis. Twelve year old scotch tape. A five dollar coupon for a gift certificate. Meth-head Barbie and her Malibu dream dumpster. A coin collection comprised of pennies from the last ten years. A glow-in-the-dark enema […]

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