The Gifts I Really Wanted for Christmas

Pet Sematary II (1992) - IMDb

A textbook on American Sign Language written in braille.

Roll-off deodorant because sometimes I change my mind and want to get sweaty and stink.

A zombie-dog like from Pet Semetary so, if I needed to board the dog while on vacation, I could just leave at a kill-shelter and, by the time they realized the dog wasn’t kill-able, I’d be back.

A fifty-pound bag of zombie-dog-food.

A plastic gun I can sneak past airport security so I can defend my window seat effectively.

I’ve always thought hook-hands were pretty cool; so, I guess I wanted a stainless steel hook-hand… oh, and a cleaver and something I could use as a tourniquet.

I wanted an orb of pure energy that sucks the souls and life essences from nearby people. I actually already have one but it gets lonely on the days I have to go to the office.

An anatomically-correct Barbie doll… you know, with lungs and a spleen and maybe an endocrine system. I’d have also accepted a really small cadaver…

A can of porcupine polish and a big box of bandaids.

A complete set of Julia Roberts’ movies and a testosterone patch…

12 thoughts on “The Gifts I Really Wanted for Christmas

  1. You really don’t want a zombie dog. If they bite your relatives, they become zombies too, and then you don’t get that inheritance from Great-Aunt Maude. And what good is a dog if it WON’T bite your extended family?

    Liked by 1 person

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