New Year’s Resolutions 2023

The science of actually keeping your New Year's resolutions - Vox

I resolve not to be ruled by fear… although fear will still have veto power over all of my decisions.

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I resolve to spend less time on my computer and more time day-dreaming about how much fun I’m going to have when I finally get home and get on my computer.

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I resolve to stop treating women as objects and start treating them as predicate nominatives.

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I resolve to be more pro-active and grab the bull by the horns and then to wash my hands thoroughly because I don’t know where those horns have been.

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I resolve to learn more geography so that I’ll know which country to flee to when they find out what I did to the Jefferson Memorial.

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I resolve to prepare healthier meals and then to find people who will actually eat those meals.

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I resolve to leave fewer things unfinished because procrastination is a very

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I resolve to make fewer self-referenced jokes.

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I resolve to be kinder to the elderly by not creeping up behind them and screaming suddenly.

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I resolve to reject all of those get rich quick schemes I’ve entertained over the years and to buckle down and finally read that book I bought on how to win the lottery.

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I resolve to teach myself the guitar. Of course, I can only teach myself what I already know about the guitar… which is nothing. So… I guess I’m done. That was a wild ride, eh?

20 thoughts on “New Year’s Resolutions 2023

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