Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes
Funnier than a sharp stink in your eye…
Sneak into your victim’s home every night and steal all his lemons and oranges and wait for him to die of scurvy. ♣ While your target sleeps, carefully drill a hole in his window, insert a plastic straw and methodically suck all the oxygen out of the room. ♣ Stab him with a knife made […]
Read More Ingenious Methods of MurderIt is important that the hostage-taker relate to you. Show him you aren’t so different by taking a hostage yourself. Hell, take HIM as a hostage and make one of your demands that he let the hostages go. ● Some or all of the hostages might have Stockholm Syndrome so, if you are within earshot, […]
Read More So, You’re a Hostage NegotiatorTo infiltrate criminals you have to look evil. One way is to stroke a cat while you talk menacingly. If you want to look evil and crazy, stroke a dead cat. ♠ Criminals look for little things that might indicate you are an undercover cop. For example: Introducing yourself as “Officer Loco Killer”. ♠ When […]
Read More Tips for Police Under Deep CoverIt’s best to shoot someone with their own gun so it cannot get traced back to you. If your victim doesn’t have a gun, buy him one. ֎ Don’t burn off your fingerprints with acid, because the police will be looking for someone who burned off his fingerprints with acid and there aren’t very many […]
Read More How to Get Away with MurderIn dark times such as these, we need a hero… a savior… a man with CRAB CLAWS FOR HANDS. ֍ It would be nice to see the word “carapace” in newspapers again… actually, it would just be nice to see newspapers again. ֍ Maryland needs a super hero to call their own besides John Waters… […]
Read More Why We Need Crabman® More than Ever
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 