Ask a Bio-engineered Super-intelligent Dog, Speed Round

Q. My daughter is pregnant and I’m not happy about it. What should I do? A. Don’t worry. Your daughter’s condition should be back to normal in eight or nine months. If it isn’t, she’s probably just fat. Q. What is a good name for a pet spider? A. “Mr. Spider” Q. That’s not a […]

Insanity, by Calvin Klein

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Quantum physics is doing the same thing in exactly the same way, over and over, and getting one, two or zero results, depending upon whether or not the cat in the box ate the poison. Insanity is doing the same thing […]

Another Mindless Rant

Astronomers keep finding planets around other stars; and, if you believe them, I’ve got a bridge I want to sell you. It’s my bridge… I’ve got a receipt. The guy who owned it didn’t need it anymore because he bought himself a catapult. Most of it is in my backyard, but, I’ve got a few […]

Holidays and Observances and How they are Celebrated

National Depression Screening Day (October 11th ): Usually observed by sitting in a dark room watching television with the sound off. World Circumcision Day (January 1st ): Celebrated with the eating of a hot dog with half a pancake wrapped around it. Feast of the Ascension (varies): Like any other day, except dinner is served […]

Waiter! What’s this Random Thought Doing in My Soup?

The race goes not always to the swift, but they are usually the odds on favorite. Violence never solved anything… except the problem of that guy who’s staring at you from across the bar. He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough. He who knows that too much isn’t nearly enough will […]