Why I’m Glad That I Slept Through the 80’s

June 29th, 1980, President Jimmy Carter signs a law mandating 18 – 25 year olds register for the draft. This ensures a strong military comprised of the best and brightest from those males whose parents couldn’t afford to send to graduate school or bribe doctors. The Soviets had invaded Afghanistan and THAT was only eleven […]

Three More Bad Poems

The earthworm’s worth a second look it’s more than something on a hook. If they’re in your garden, for what it’s worth they aerate and fertilize the earth. Show one to your sister Beth And, you will scare her half to deth. A chow doesn’t chase sticks or perform any other tricks. If you tell […]

10-100-500-100-10 Rutabagas

I am a witness to the death of the rutabaga. That’s right: The miracle vegetable that has graced so many Thanksgiving tables is about to go the way of the dinosaur and the five dollar steak. The rutabaga cures cancer BEFORE IT EVEN STARTS! Of course, after it starts, you’re on your own. But, the […]

Two Boobs: That’s What They Take us for (pt 2)

But, there’s always mom and dad’s house and your old room; however, it is now filled with sewing supplies and fishing equipment. They manage to put a futon in the corner and it’s a little better than sleeping on the streets and WAY better than rooming with vegans. After a few months of french fries […]