Why I’m Glad That I Slept Through the 80’s

Posted on by masercot

Budowsky: Jimmy Carter: A great man, a good president, and a patriot | The Hill

June 29th, 1980, President Jimmy Carter signs a law mandating 18 – 25 year olds register for the draft. This ensures a strong military comprised of the best and brightest from those males whose parents couldn’t afford to send to graduate school or bribe doctors. The Soviets had invaded Afghanistan and THAT was only eleven borders away from us, if you don’t count Canada as a country. Carter’s fears were for naught because the Afghans beat the Soviets through sheer passive aggressiveness. It was a great object lesson for any world power wanting to invade Afghanistan in the future.

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Sandra Day O’Connor became the first female Supreme Court justice in 1981… and she did it in exactly the right order: She was female first and was THEN appointed to be a justice. If she did it in the reverse order it would’ve involved a lot of unnecessary surgery. A lot of Americans weren’t sure about appointing a woman to the highest court in the land. Scientists warned that female judges might be prone to hysteria due to an imbalance of humours. They were also concerned that, if they spent too much time on one case, their husbands would go without their suppers… or WORSE: They’d argue and eventually the two would decided to switch jobs to see whose day was the more stressful. The legality of a woman’s husband sitting in as Supreme Court Justice while the actual justice drives a commuter bus for a day is highly dubious. And, you KNOW that, by the end of the day, the husband will have dumped ALL the rice into the pot to cook… with HILARIOUS results.

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Crack cocaine was invented in the eighties and it was a GODSEND! Powdered cocaine was snorted and was very expensive, despite the fact that the CIA was transporting it into the country. You’d think if the government was moving drugs, that there would be some subsidies involved but NO, it was just as expensive as the stuff smuggled in condoms through the colons of drug mules and the colons of a few who just had eating disorders. Crack was cheap and gave an intense high and was no more addictive than water or breathing. It was easy to tell if someone in your household was using: You just had to check your television. If it wasn’t there anymore, you probably had a crack addict. Reagan started his “Just Say No” campaign which was spearheaded by his terrifying wife Nancy. It was just as successful as you might think the word “no” would be to someone in the throes of painful physical addiction, and soon televisions were disappearing all over the country.

29 thoughts on “Why I’m Glad That I Slept Through the 80’s”

    1. I have a remote that I was told controls the rotation of the planets around a star a hundred light-years away. Every so often, when I’m in a bad mood, I hit the fast-foward button so that their year will only last three months.

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Published by masercot