Lego My Ego!

I saw my first Lego movie, last night. Frankly, it substantiated my theory that anything new or unfamiliar must be scrupulously avoided. The movie didn’t move me; but, maybe my emotional ties to Lego are not as pronounced as other Americans. We didn’t own any Legos in my house. My grandmother had some in a […]

Scrambled Eggs: A Rant

Nothing is important; but, it is of utmost importance that we THINK things are important. I know you’re thinking that I just let the cat out of the bag… how could you go through the charade of thinking things were important when you’ve already been told that they aren’t? You would be living a lie […]

Junk in the Trunk, a Rant

They said that she had “junk in the trunk”; but, I think that this was a way to avoid talking about her large ass. Not that it was noticeable—Most of your attention was focused upon her face, which was flat and hard, like a surfboard, but with hair and eyes. I wouldn’t say that she […]

Pants Party: A Rant

What if there were a party in your pants and everyone was invited, but nobody came? Good luck getting the caterer to take that food back! Even if you could persuade them that it never actually touched your underwear, there are food-handing laws, even in the most backward states…states where parties are NEVER held in […]

Another Mindless Rant

Astronomers keep finding planets around other stars; and, if you believe them, I’ve got a bridge I want to sell you. It’s my bridge… I’ve got a receipt. The guy who owned it didn’t need it anymore because he bought himself a catapult. Most of it is in my backyard, but, I’ve got a few […]