I Want You Back!

Dear Angelina, You are right to be angry with me. When I promised you the “sun and the moon”, I really over-extended myself. Just like when I promised that I’d love you, forever. As you pointed out, I am indeed mortal, with a lifespan of roughly seventy-five years and I had literally no business […]

Thoughts on Cooking

When a chef burns something the term for that is “caramelization”. They say you can substitute a quarter cup of applesauce for an egg when cooking; but, I’ve found it makes a pretty uninspiring omelet. Cut tough meat across the grain. You’ll know which way the grain goes because it will always be the direction […]

Books By Successful Authors that Failed Utterly

The Da Vinci Cod by Dan Brown: Symbologist Robert Langdon scours the western world for a fish whose face looks like the Mona Lisa. The fish supposedly grants wishes. A shadowy albino character also seeks the elusive magic fish… with the intent to KEEP WISHING FOR MORE WISHES. The climax of the book was so […]

The Volatile Delectation of the Exploding Ant

A recent expedition, by the Natural History Museum of Vienna, Technical University of Vienna, and other contributing institutions, has discovered a new species of ant in Borneo. Normally, that news would have all the impact of three-minute disposable catheter commercial; but, these ants are special. They explode. Colobopsis explodens, when defending themselves or perhaps just […]

Random Thoughts: The Home Game

A man cannot serve two masters; however, with a little instruction, he can serve a tennis ball. If you need a sure-fire way to alienate a room full of people, might I recommend heckling a eulogy? A wonderful name for a doctor who treats impotency would be “Grant Wood”. A little known fact about Formula […]