Actual Diets of Note

Ice Diet: Ice has no calories, nutrition, taste or reason for being a mainstay of someone’s diet. I think the scientific explanation for this diet is that people cryogenically frozen can live almost forever so why not freeze yourself from the inside? Tape Worm Diet: A tape worm can live in a person’s digestive tract […]

Things I Hate that are Red

Roses: “Here ya go, sweetheart: Beautiful, well-scented blooms of deepest crimson lovingly mounted on thirty inches of what might as well be barbed wire” Red Sea: A very disappointing cruise. I really should’ve looked up what the sea looked like in the first place. I haven’t felt so cheated since my trip to Red River […]

Short-handed? Here’s Why You Should Hire ROCK MONSTER

Rock Monsters feel no shame, remorse nor empathy making them perfect corporate lawyers. Rock Monsters fear nothing except guys in berets with chisels. When a Rock Monster is about to smash something, it yells, “ROCK MONSTER SMASH!”, which is more warning than your secretary gave when she slapped you with that harassment suit. You can […]

Movies I Hate

Terms of Endearment: A “chick-flick” to end all chick-flicks… if only that were true. As if I needed ANOTHER reason to hate Shirley Maclaine. The lead actress has a voice lower than mine… all the female characters are crazy, adulterous and self righteous and the lead female character dies at the end… YES I SPOILED […]

Things I Hate that are Green

Limes: Lemons’ uglier more bitter brothers. Limes taste pretty bad so they are only used to make something that tastes worse than a lime, taste as good as a lime. And, in that respect, it works for things like Margaritas and Mexican beer. Also, it keeps you from tasting the keys in a key-lime pie… […]