Body Parts I’d Like Plastic Surgeonated

Nose: How best to describe my nose? It looks as if someone added a nose to my face and the next worker on the assembly line wasn’t looking and put another one there. It’s not an especially long nose, nor is it very broad; however, it is denser than high carbon steel. My nose is […]

A Random Thought Cannot be Bought

I was in a bar once and in walked a priest, a rabbi and a minister. I looked them over for a second and then exclaimed, “NOW I get it!” Are hot pants, short shorts and “Daisy Dukes” the same thing? If they aren’t, I owe my Senator a letter of apology. I asked her […]

Still More Medical Advice From a Terse Llama

Dear Terse Llama I had an appendix removed last year. When the hospital realized that I was there for knee surgery, they hastily put an appendix back in; however, it was a MURDERER’S appendix. Consequently, I feel the desire to kill deep in my intestinal area. It isn’t enough to make me actually kill; however, […]

Lesser-Known Ways of Telling the Future

Hold a pendulum over the abdomen of your significant other. If the ball moves in a circle, she’s going to have a girl. If it moves in a straight-line, it will probably be a boy. If the pendulum gets slapped violently out of your hand, she’s not pregnant and you are on thin ice, pal… […]

I KNOW You’ll Enjoy these Methods of Predicting the Future

Omens: We all know what an omen is: Something happens and that indicates how the rest of the day or month or year will go. Like when you pick a girl up for a date and, while opening the car door for her, you stick your thumb in her eye. In The Iliad, an eagle […]