Raggedy Ann is Trying to Kill Me!

Before I went to bed, it was on the right side of the shelf. When I woke up, it was on the right side of the shelf but it LOOKED as if it had gone somewhere else and then just come back. I think it was the fact that her hand had been stamped for […]

I’ve Sandwiched in these Thoughts on Cold Cuts

Bologna: The head honcho of cold cuts. A nice mix of meat vomit, ectoplasm and discarded methamphetamine. In the United States it is consumed in great amounts as kind of a “pauper chow”. When we’d go on a trip, my dad would stop at a grocery store and pick up a pack of bologna, a […]

I Get Animated When I Talk About Cartoons

At the end of the Scooby Doo cartoons, the guy pretending to be the ghost always got arrested. What was the charge? We raised an entire generation of people who thought dressing as a ghost was illegal. No wonder kids started dressing as hippies and tramps, instead. In the show, Arthur, even if you accept […]

Olio and Hodgepodge

I wouldn’t want to be a special envoy because the other envoys might get jealous and maybe vandalize my truck. My mom always liked me best but covered up for it by spending all her time playing with and complimenting my siblings. Ever notice that astronauts don’t get arrested a lot for murder, rape and […]

Other Things I’m Afraid of

I’ve managed to sustain my fears of failure for decades which I think is quite an achievement… I fear the unknown. Why? I don’t know and that MAKES IT WORSE. I don’t fear heights; but, I do fear breadths… mostly trying to pronounce “breadths”. I fear dying alone because then only one person’s day would […]