I’m Just Sayings, Here’s Some More Adages

I felt bad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet and I said to myself, “Hey, he might have some shoes he’s not using”… ♦ Iron bars do not a prison make but they work better than anything you can make with bread sticks and glue. ♦ The […]

How to Avoid Ruining Your Life by Making a Racist Rant in Public

1. Don’t have a racist rant in public. 2. Try to avoid having any friends who might identify you to the press after the video hits Youtube. Fortunately, as a racist with no impulse control, you probably have few friends. 3. Pretend that you were misheard. Example: “I didn’t say Trump would kill all Asians… […]

Stuff I Used to Worry About

I used to worry about dying young; now, I just worry about dying. I used to worry about going bald; now, I just worry about my hat blowing off. I used to worry about getting fat; now, I just worry that I’m not worried about getting fat. I used to worry about being publicly humiliated; […]

Biting Ironies about Crocodiles

Crocodiles can be found on every continent but Europe because there are more places for them to hide in Europe. The Dwarf Crocodile is over six feet long. This isn’t impressive for a crocodile; but, it is pretty impressive for a dwarf. Crocodiles are closely related to birds. So, if you see what you think […]

June is the Time for Weddings!

You can still wear white to your wedding even if you aren’t a virgin; however, you will have to affix a scarlet ‘A’ to your bridal gown. Don’t spend more on a wedding ring than you can afford. Two month’s salary has been the amount decided upon by people who determine these things and who […]