Why I Wish I Were a Short Guy

I could finally rid myself of those professional basketball scouts that keep following me around begging me to play for their team. ☻ I could jump up and down with joy and without the added anxiety of worrying that I’m about to jump into the ceiling fan. ☻ Nothing else motivates me. Maybe “Short Man […]

Why I’m Dating my Wall

The bathroom ceiling rejected me. A wall may become cold and distant, but she’ll never leave me… unless there’s a tornado or something. My wall and I have an active fantasy life. Sometimes, I’ll put a pinup poster on her and pretend she’s load-bearing. Every wall has two sides: The good side… and the horrid […]

What I Learned From Being in a Long-Term Relationship

I got to learn all of my faults, in great detail, as if Herman Melville had written about them in his book, Moby Fault. I learned that, regardless of what happens, my children always love me. I also learned that this is of small comfort. After being yelled at in the middle of the night […]