Why I Wish I Were a Short Guy

Posted on by masercot

Jumanji Premiere at the TCL Chinese Theatre

I could finally rid myself of those professional basketball scouts that keep following me around begging me to play for their team.

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I could jump up and down with joy and without the added anxiety of worrying that I’m about to jump into the ceiling fan.

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Nothing else motivates me. Maybe “Short Man Syndrome” will.

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If I’m ever on a golf course in a lightning storm, I’ll be less likely to be struck than other idiots golfing around me.

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Being short will make it easier for me to punch cats in the face.

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If I were short, my friends would give me a swell nickname like “Short Guy”.

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If the police were chasing me, I could just put on a red pointed hat and stand in someone’s garden.

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I could become a jockey, which is a dream job for me because it’s the only one where I can get paid for whipping a living creature…

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If someone tried to club me, there would be an extra tenth of a second before the club hit me. More than enough time to think up a clever remark before falling unconscious.

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If I were short and had a short friend, he could sit on my shoulders, put on a long trench-coat and we could sneak into an R-rated movie.

13 thoughts on “Why I Wish I Were a Short Guy”

  3. I, on the other hand, have an unnamed cat living under my bed that comes out only to stare at me and puke on my head while I am sleeping. It is begging for a face punch!

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  4. I am short of cash at the moment. If you’ll loan me all your money, you can be short too, and I’ll be happy to see that you stay that way until I remember to pay you back (lucky for you, I have a very short memory).

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