P. E. T.

I was going to do a list on the worst breeds of cat to own but it turned out that it was all of them. ♣ The worst dog breed is the Chow Chow, a dog so awful that you have to say its name twice. Imagine an animal with the personality of a cat […]

Why I Wish I Were a Short Guy

I could finally rid myself of those professional basketball scouts that keep following me around begging me to play for their team. ☻ I could jump up and down with joy and without the added anxiety of worrying that I’m about to jump into the ceiling fan. ☻ Nothing else motivates me. Maybe “Short Man […]

The Unspoken Allegory of the Fisher

If you are anything like me, you hate porcupines. [If you are a lot like me, you sneak sips of barbecue sauce from the bottle and have a recurring dream where you have to sell a used car dressed as a pencil]. Porcupines strut around like they are all that with dressing on the side. […]

In Praise of Older Women

Older women are no longer looking for “Mr. Right” or “Mr. Acceptable”. They are looking for “Mr. Anybody Because My Last Egg is about to Drop”. I am that anybody! As I get older and tire more easily, older women sleep less and have more energy; because, menopause is nature’s methamphetamine… Older women like to […]