Things Guaranteed to Turn Out Badly

A fat guy, a bicycle and a ramp. Borrowing money from a guy named “No-nose Morelli”. Gift baskets of fugu. Children’s toys shaped like exposed high voltage electrical wiring. Cherry-flavored hard candy with a soft center made of sugar, gelatin and chicken pox. A “1-900” suicide hot-line number. Rattlesnake roundups for the blind. Buying […]

Fun Facts About Thanksgiving!

In 1863, during the Civil War, President Abraham Lincoln officially made Thanksgiving a national holiday. Celebrants could be thankful for their food, family and the fact that they hadn’t been killed by gangrene or mortar shells, yet. Lincoln wouldn’t let the Confederacy have Thanksgiving until they stopped being thankful for slaves and, to a […]

Reasons to Go to a Museum

It’s raining outside and the museum is the nearest shelter. You have visitation with your children on Saturday and your lawyers have recommended against you leaving them in the car outside that sex dungeon that you like. Legendary museum restaurant food. It gives you a chance to determine, through experiment, how long you have […]

Some Lies About Truth

I want the truth. Unfortunately, like Tom Cruise, I can’t handle the truth. Another characteristic that Cruise and I share is that neither of us is married to Nicole Kidman… Truth is considered one of the noblest goals for humankind to aspire to. It’s not as noble as defending the weak, so if you want […]

Early Drafts of Famous Poems

The Tyger, by William Blake Tiger, tiger burning bright in the forest of the night I think that it was pretty mean to soak his fur in kerosene. ……….. The Purple Cow, by Gilett Burgess I never saw a purple cow though it might be endearing But, if I see one anyhow it’s genetic […]