I Hate Melville Scholars!!!

The very last thing I’d ever want to be is a Melville scholar. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy reading Herman Melville’s novels, but, the idea of that being my vocation just feels wrong. It doesn’t feel necessary. I’ve never really heard of a situation that could be made better with the introduction of a […]

Financial Terms You Should Learn

Interest: Something your bank does not have in regards to your patronage or satisfaction. Asset: Stuff you have that banks and billionaires think is rightfully theirs. Futures: Basically off-track-betting that a particular commodity will be partially destroyed by frost or locusts and therefore become more valuable. Cash Flow: How much drug money a particular […]

Fun Facts About Florida

Florida calls itself, “The Sunshine State”, presumably because “State Overrun By Poisonous Reptiles and Deadly Insects” was already taken by Louisiana. Florida’s governor, Rick Scott, has been named, “Most Monstrous Governor” three years in a row. Florida’s state bird is the mosquito… Florida’s primary exports are citrus, sugar, tomatoes and pain killers. Europeans discovered Florida […]

Stuff Left Over From My Other Stuff

If you look at dollars per word, writing a novel is nowhere near as lucrative as writing a ransom note. You cannot put a price on good health… well, not a reasonable price, anyway. There’s no ‘i’ in “team” but there is an ‘i’ in limeade, so, if you need one, that’s where you […]

Sea Snakes: Coming Up For Air

Okay, a new animal essay has been added: The Burdensome Docility of the Sea Snake You should read it. You may not learn anything but, while you’re reading it, you cannot do any harm to anyone either…